Kay:
In the dead of night at the “Thakadu Bush Camp and Rampant Aardvark Bar” a nasty robber slashed the passenger door window of our vehicle with a machete and made off with our guide’s professional camera and laptop.
By 3a.m. as we lay blissfully sleeping, the police had 6 trackers working on the case but as the hours passed and the robber reached tarmac the trail was lost and they returned with a lens cover and said that they would now “pray to God that the items be recovered.”
This was just not good enough! Being in Botswana we headed for Ghanzi town to look for a branch of the Ladies #1 Detective Agency but being unable to find it went to the police station for 2 hours where the truck was finger printed and statements made.
It was a safari of two halves and this occurred at half time. The first half was 6 days in the Kalahari, the second half was 6 days in Khwai River area and Savuti and then there was extra time – 2 days in Chobe.
When we initially set off our guide, Jane, drove our Land Cruiser towing 1,000 litres of water and behind was the support vehicle driven by Don with our camp crew of Gase and Victor towing the large trailer of tents,firewood and supplies. After turning off the sealed road it was 100 km of almost dead straight sandy track driven at much less than 30kph. Leaving the crew at the campsite we just had time for some quick animal spotting before dark and YES giraffe with baby and springboks.
I went to bed noting that “had I not mentioned some years ago that I was done with sleeping on the ground?” The concession to this apparently was that I had 2 mattresses. Leaving the tent during the night was an absolute No No, but we were provided with an innocent blue lidded bucket – each.
I know it is a desert but the rains which usually last Nov – Mar petered out in Jan so there is not a lot of feed or water about and animal numbers are down. Jane is such an excellent tracker we spent long periods of time sitting quietly waiting (with knitting) and were always rewarded. At the water hole in Deception Valley the giraffes were very hesitant to approach and rightly so as there were a couple of lions lolling about in the shade. They were full-bellied and not inclined to stir themselves from beside our vehicle.
Our daily routine was up at 5:40 after Victor left hot water in our canvas basins outside the tent, hot drink and away in the vehicle for the dawn spotting returning to camp between and 11 and 12.30 depending on what we’d found to look at. Gase would do a yummy lunch even cooking quiches in the camp oven over the wood fire then we’d try to keep cool in the shade until afternoon tea time (fresh fruit, camp oven goodies) signalled it was time for afternoon spotting and sunset photos. Victor was the master of hot showers rigged up near the long-drop tent. He’d put water in either bucket or canvas bag with the showerhead nozzle within easy reach to turn on when the water was required. If it was after dark he’d even have solar-powered light.
Our dinner was always sooo delicious and the menu varied. Game meat stews were a revelation and the fried chicken something else.
As we relaxed around the fire one night at Piper Pan we could hear the roar of the lions we had sat watching earlier in the evening. Apparently they can be heard up to 5kms away but now they were approaching to take a look at us in the dark and when they got to about 200m we said good night and zipped the tent. The next roar was so close the canvas shuddered and a frightened mouse scurried up the outside of the window mesh. How quickly could I work out what was the most disconcerting?
The camera has been working overtime (sometimes I’ve even had it on the correct settings) and sitting on top of the truck has given great angles. Jane has a camera lense weighing in at 12kgs so she seriously knows where to park to make the best of the light and landscape. It is sad to see other guides not giving their clients even time to take shots before heading away or sitting parked away from the stunning sunsets.
After 6 days we had seen kadu, springbok, gemsbok (oryx), stembok, honey badger, bat-earred fox, black-backed jackal, giraffe, ground squirrel, lion, wilderbeest, ostrich, kori bustard, mouse, warthog. Many birds as well but we were there for the big stuff.
Leaving the Kalahari was a long and arduous day taking 3 hours to go 78kms to the park gate, a further 4 hours and 138kms through sand to the road. Twice our vehicle got stuck and the support crew had to give us a tow, it had one puncture and then with only 50kms with 3 corners to go on a good surface, we ran out of diesel as a result of towing the heavy trailer through sand taking so much longer than expected. A bit of suck and release ensued and we were finally at Thakadu Bush Camp 9 hours and 40 mins after setting off. Thus ended the first half.
By the time we had finished with the police at Ghanzi we were somewhat late getting to Maun to pick up a couple of American lasses to join us for the second half of the safari and in our haste had incurred a speeding infringment and had the taped up shattered passenger window blown out – thankfully not in.
The “lasses” were a visual symphony. Reggie (the sprightly veggie) was totally covered in all the gear and ready to knock off her 13th safari. Born in 1933 she had never been camping in her life and had always stayed in several-star lodges but she was up for it. Her companion, June, a veteran of 17 safaris, was a few years younger, wearing a shiny black jacket, sharkskin hipsters and a countenance skillfully kept together with the aid of modern procedures. Alongside her bag was a half-full black plastic rubbish bag containing all the stuff she had been unable to squeeze back into her suitcase that morning.
We were off to Khwai and Don was in front by about 3 hours with the crew to set up camp in an undisclosed location. As soon as we were in the area we came across large numbers of zebra and impala. In the river were hippos and a hundreds of buffalo.
“Aha,” said Jane, “there will be lions about.”
We sat and waited and sure enough, 7 lions soon emerged and slowly started skulking towards the herd. As darkness was falling we had to move on to find the camp where there was a large elephant mooching around in the tree by our tent. Great to see so much vegetation and so many animals adding buffalo, impala, reed buck, hippo, crocodile, tssessebe antelope, mongoose, lechewe, leopard, hyena, roan antelope, vervet monkey, baboon, gnu and wild dogs to the list. The elephants are so huge in number that they are destroying the vegetation needed by other species and it is becoming a real problem. They have tried giving the females contraceptives but they have become depressed without babies so that has stopped.
Best elephant encounter was when Don took D & me fishing. He assured us that there would be no crocodiles present so we had these dinky little rods and reels with meat for bait. Caught a couple of fish that we kept then I looked behind and…well, do you know how much bigger elephants look when you’re on the same level? Even if there are only 3 of them? So we continued to fish and they had a wee drink and everyone was happy. Humans 6 Fish 0
Next morning the lions were sussing out the zebra & impala with giraffe in the background beside the hippos in the river. Soon we were photographing 16 elephants bathing. It’s easy to suck up 5 hours before breakfast. Pure safari.
Closest lion encounter was when we were away from the camp but figured 5 were heading towards our site. Zapped back and found Gase there on her own so called for her to get on board. Doubled back but had lost sight of them so returned with Gase and there they were, making off with one of our tent covers. How close did we come to finding them making off with Gase?
But it is not just about animals…..so here is Dennis’ report.
The following is an outline for the basis of a film. Everything in this document happened to the characters Dennis and Kay and no imagination has been used.
Film Name: ” Botswana Madness ” or in respect to the only film I know of set in Botswana ” The Guides Must Be Crazy”.
Main Characters:
Jane – 53, very tall and thin (grew 11 inches in her 12th year), superb guide and tracker, smokes thin rollies on safari and dope when at home, drinks large tall glasses of wine, has a slightly nervous and sort of gauche manner but nice.
Don – 48, well built above medium height, has a greying beard and wears safari clothes – always shorts even when cold, has a sharp SA accent and sort of officious manner, also smokes rollies and drinks large tall glasses of Indian whisky.
Dennis and Kay – known to you all so no details required.
Gase – cook and very good at it.
Victor – general safari hand and dignified and quietly spoken.
Reggie and June as previously described by Kay.
Physical set:
2 greatly modified Land Cruisers for safari ops, 1 water trailer, one big covered trailer for everything else with a wheel base wider than the vehicles which makes towing on sand roads fun, basic camp kitchen, shower and dunny tents, and tents for all characters.
Main Scenes:
1. D&K standing outside Maun airport awaiting Jane who is 40 minutes late. D’s first impression when she arrives is that she has a tremor of her hands and he wonders why. Then meeting Don who K immediately judges as having funny eyes. All then drive off into the Kalahari.
2. First camp fire where we are finding about out each other over large glasses of various stuff. D asks Don lots of open question and significantly finds out he has had more jobs than hot dinners and is a conspiracy theory person – eg the CIA is responsible for Ebola, and that he was in the SA Special Forces and at the end of the apartheid regime ran away to the US as suggested by one of his officers. My conclusion was that he was a potentially problematic loser. Also told that Jane and Don lived in her house way out in the bush. But Don is a great host and Jane tells good stories so all is well.
3. Next camp site at Pipers Pan, Central Kalahari. As mentioned lions are real close being scarily noisy. D&K have retired to their tent where apparently are fairly safe from big teeth. Don sits by the fire drinking and Jane decides to shine torch on lions to let them know we are on to the them. Don thinks this is silly and a bit of an argument follows. D thinks this is about tactics and goes to sleep.
Don is still being affable.
4. Ghanze where we got one of our vehicles broken into. Don gets a bit shirty about the camp owners and his attitude is a little less pleasant.
5. Khwai River camp and Savuti where we’re now joined by Reggie and June. Don now definitely behaving like a spoilt child towards Jane and very dismissive to June one evening. The tension is rising and there is a major set to between Don and June but we couldn’t hear what it was all about, however Don’s behaviour now threatening. Females rally around Jane and eventually K says she needs advice from D regarding financial matters with Don. Don drives off to fume alone and read very slowly so D is into advice mode. Jane reveals she has transferred 20% of the business shares to Don being ones her daughter owned, but she forged her daughters signature, so that is easily dealt with. She also says Don threatened to kill her at the last argument and she was very scared because he had hit her once before. Then she goes on to say she has had a serious mental meltdown about 7 years ago that was the result of being beaten up by people angry with her being too popular and limiting the number of clients they were getting, and that Don does not have a visa that allows him to do what he is, and that, yes, the police would be interested, and that when in the US about 10 years ago Don had been a chrystal meth addict (P) . So D, being very wise, suggests that as soon as the safari is finished she dobs him in and lives somewhere else while he gets deported. Jane says what a good idea. When on the road between Khwai and Savuti a small problem looks like becoming a major set to so D steps in the middle and tells Don and Jane to stop being idiots and leave all of their nonsense until the safari is over. Don is very much in agreement despite being the perpetrator of it.
6. Chobe camp, that last one on the safari. Reggie and June have departed and things are now seriously tense with D&K not at all sure what they would do if Don assaulted Jane. D doesn’t think rushing in with a tent pole would do much good so they adopt a carry on as if all is normal approach. On the last full day D&K pack up so if an early departure is required they are ready. Also lions are very close and a zipped-up bag is less likely to look attractive to them. D&K go out on the usual early game drive with Jane who wonders if she should go to the police in the nearby town of Kasane in the afternoon when we are on a boat trip with Don. D says why not. D&K have a marvellous river trip with Don, who is really pleasant but when we arrive back the expected police are not waiting with Jane who is on her own. D&K agree to have a wander around Kasane for an hour and do so. When they head back to the arranged meeting place a distraught looking Jane runs to meet them and says they have to go to the police station because she has laid a complaint of threatening to kill against Don and he is being held there.
7. Kasane Police Station. D&K are ushered into the chief’s office with Don and Jane and asked for their opinion on what happened. D asks him to get the the others out and then D&K end up writing statements that basically agreed with Jane although they emphasise they did not hear the death threat. The police chief is a bit astounded because Don had told a very plausible but opposite tale. He decides given our agreeing with Jane he cannot let him go so he is on remand.
8. Back to the Chobe camp. Jane is on a bit of a high and D&K are relived our last night should now be straight forward. They just have to get up in the morning and get driven about an hour and a half to the Zimbabwe border. D tells Jane not to drink more than 2 big glasses of wine because he isn’t too sure about her reaction to all that has happened. Around the fire that night she talks a lot about all sorts of (paranoid) things that she says might happen and D&K scuttle off to bed as soon as possible. About 5 the next morning both D&K are lying awake because there are quiet noises of Jane moving around in the camp. Suddenly she walks near to D&K’s tent and asks if she can tell them something – her voice is rather excited and strained – they say ok so she says ” You will think I am crazy and I know it is wrong but I am Jesus Christ and so is my daughter, and I haven’t taken my pills for 5 months but I have just taken one”. K whispers to D “What else can happen”.
9. One hour later D&K get up, Jane is making sense and we get going and eventually walk into Zimbabwe.
The end.
Victoria Falls were all the usual words – impressive, astounding, wet, big. We had one night there at a B&B owned by a friend of Jane’s who told us a fair bit of her history and I am far from certain if Don really did threaten to kill her because it could have been a bit of paranoid fantasy but he was definitely a mood swinging nasty bit of work who had me worried.
This evening we are in Joburg for a flight to Dar Es Salaam tomorrow. When we arrived at out hotel we smelled a familiar smoky smell and discovered the hotels native style bar had burned down a few hours ago.
It’s all fun here.
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